Winterlust

                                                                            Source: flickr.com via Ashley on Pinterest

I am currently sitting snug in a warm little house: listening to the quiet buzzing of a baby monitor and watching the snow fall down outside.

Wearing: Jeans and high knee socks

Feeling: Content

The little boys that I nanny are peacefully occupied. One is napping. The other, looking out the window; transfixed by the falling snow.

Some of you may disagree with me, but snow just does a mind good, at least this girl's mind (don't even get me started on rain! Ohhhhhh how I love the rain!). 

Being a former east-coaster, I am certainly accustomed to long, cold, snowy winters...and SURPRISE...I kinda dig em'.

They bring back memories of sitting and reading a book by the fireplace after school.

Memories of wearing my pj's inside out at night to ensure a heavy snow-fall and subsequent canceled school day.

Memories of one snow-storm that was so big, we were literally snowed-in for a week.

A glorious week spent making shadow puppets on the wall and drinking lots of hot cocoa.

Sometimes during these nostalgic moments, I wish that I could step back in time and relive these moments.

I wish that I could be back at home, under my parents care.

I find myself wishing away current worries, responsibilities, and decisions. 

But then, I remind myself that new memories are made everyday.

There lives new possibility and meaning in everything.

How exciting is that?

Sitting here, watching the wonder in a child's eyes as he experiences the snow for perhaps the 4th time in his little life, I am in awe.

In awe of the fact that one day, I will be a parent and will get to relieve all the moments that I loved as a child through the eyes of my kiddos.

Life is incredible.

I am blessed everyday that I get to experience its wonders.

 The baby monitor has ceased its buzzing, so I'd better go!

Time to show this other little one his first snowfall ever.

Quote of the Day

                                                     Source: museofagypsysoul.tumblr.com via Ashley on Pinterest

Remember

 I can still remember being 10 years-old and terrified out of my mind.

Sitting in the cafeteria grouped together, we could all tell that something was horribly wrong.

The adults were not speaking.

Their expressions were strained.

I wanted to yell because I was so frustrated over the silence. Frustrated at the uncertainty.

My dad picked me up and told me that our Country was under attack.

I did not understand, but I understood as soon as I saw t.v. footage, that our country would never be the same.

We would never be the same. 

As tears rolled down my cheeks, I wondered who would do such a thing?

Why would someone destroy so many innocent lives?

Destroy families, dreams, and our security.

Now, 10 years later, the hurt lives on.

It lives on in the families that no longer have loved ones with them.

It lives on in the terror of those that witnessed firsthand, things that will forever haunt them.

But you know what? We survived.

America survived.

We were not destroyed like the terrorists hoped.

We pulled together and worked to rebuild. Worked on a way to live with our new legacy.

Today, I am beyond thankful for the brave people that lost their lives that day.

I am thankful for the Firefighters, Police Officers, and other first responders that sacrificed their own lives to rescue others.

Let's make their sacrifice mean something by helping and loving each other well. 

Love has the power to save; the power to heal.

Let us use that power for good and never forget that on September 11, we learned that we are stronger than we know. 

Life can be beautiful again.

Quote of the Day

Lets be brave.

Moments of presh

I do not know about you, but I LOVE going through old photo albums and reliving fun memories.

So today, when my mom got out my memory bin, I was all over that!

[Warning: You are about to experience picture-overload!]

I love this picture of my mom that my dad took of her when they first started dating:

Isn't she pretty and so rockin' the 80's glam? 

I had to smile when I saw this picture of me with my first dog Andy. It brought back memories of the fun we had together. He was the best dog ever...and he is definitely missed.

This picture also marks the momentous occasion of my redneck phase (age 7) where I was missing my two front teeth....yep, I've been keepin' it classy since 1998.

And of course life would not be complete without the precious Santa pictures:

I wished for my front teeth to grow in HAHA! I was a very strange child. But in my defense, my dad tortured me that whole Christmas singing "all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth". Mean huh?!

Now, what good would my parents be if they didn't take the customary blackmail pictures? Ya know, the pics that are brought out when a potential suitor comes over. 

Exhibits A and B:

I was innocently asking my parents to look at my beautiful decorating...when I was ambushed! 

Later, a much more graceful picture was taken:

Thanks mom and dad. You're the best! But really, try not to be too jealous of my frizzy hair, pink undies, and yellow socks. You will be pleased to hear that my modesty has improved over the years ;)

Of course I, like any other normal child, experienced moments of grumpiness.

This was taken right before I sang at a Church meeting and I was sick of the picture-taking. 

*Yes, I very ghetto-ly took a picture, of a picture from my album*

Last but not least, I got to re-discover my gift with the written word:

Even as a seven-year-old, my gifts are mind-blowing.

"I used to be a baby, but now I am a girl.

I used to be not so funny, but now I am a happy bunny."

That folks is true talent.

Quote of the Day

A sniffley Saturday

I’m going to let ya’ll in on a little secret….but only if you promise not to tell, or judge me! 

I want you to cross your heart and swear to die. Ok, here it goes…….

I am an emotional weirdo… There, I said it.

I’m the type of girl that cries from Hallmark commercials. The type of girl that melts at the sight of a baby, or an elderly couple still madly in-love. I cry at the drop of a hat….and I am not ashamed to admit that I cried at the end of “Ice Age”. If you are wondering what there is to cry about in that movie, the answer is…when the animals say goodbye to the little baby at the end. tear.

So keep this information in mind, as I paint a picture for you.

It is a rainy Saturday afternoon and I am sitting on the couch all warm and snuggly in my pjs. For the sake of me not feeling too lazy let’s just tell a little white lie and say that it is 12 pm because I surely would not still be in my pjs at 4:30 in the evening……ahem, back to the story.

I turn on the t.v. and start flipping through the channels. My go-to show, “Say Yes To The Dress” is unfortunately M.I.A, so my next show of choice is “One Born Every Minute”, a show about babies :)

*Remember, you made a promise not to judge me….this includes thinking that I’m a weirdo….mkay?)

So, I’m watching the show, ooooing and ahhhhing over the adorable babies, when all of a sudden, my emotionometer starts to rise. You see, on the show, they are featuring a woman that is giving her twin babies up for adoption. The adoptive parents are pacing the hospital hallways,  both anxious and scared to death. They are sooo excited to meet their new babies, but terrified that the mom may change her mind about giving the babies up. This sweet couple had been married for 15 years and had been struggling for 13 years with infertility.  I found myself transfixed, offering up a silent prayer in my heart that the birth mom would help this couple make their dreams a reality, as if my wishing would help...after all, it was a pre-recorded t.v. show!

When the moment of truth came, the babies were lovingly given to this adoptive couple. They broke down in tears as their new little boy and girl were placed in their arms. They whispered their gratitude and sobbed as they hugged this young mother that had just given them the best gift they had ever been given. The gift of life. The gift of a family. I. lost.it. My emotions reached their limit and I could not control the tears any longer.

You see, I am a Family Studies major, and I am seriously considering becoming a Social Worker. I myself am adopted and if you missed that part of my story, you can check it out here. I have a major testimony of adoption and of how great it can be. Watching this show solidified my dream of someday becoming a Social Worker. I thought about how hard it must have been for that woman to give up her children. 

You could see the pain on her face as she said goodbye to them. Even though it was hard, she did it because she knew she could not provide those babies with what they needed. She gave them up because she loved them and wanted a better life for them.

I have recently decided that if possible, I would love to adopt someday. I want to of course have my own biological children, but I want to make a difference in the world by adopting a child in need.

I guess I never really thought about how hard it must have been for  my birth mom to give me up for adoption. Granted I was not a baby when I was adopted, but I think that makes the situation even harder. My birth mom had time to get to know me. I feel like I have spent so much of my life resenting her. I have resented the fact that she made the choices that she did. Even though I am happy with the way my life has turned out, I guess I sometimes wonder what could have happened if my birth mom could have made things work.

So, today I cried out of happiness for others, and out of forgiveness and gratitude. You see, today, for the first time, I  truly recognize how grateful I am for what my birth mother did. I am grateful that although she could not love me in the way that I needed, she loved me the best that she could. She loved me enough to give me the chance to be loved and to have a great life. For that, I will be eternally grateful.

Wow. Sorry for the length and heaviness of this post…I did not see that coming!

On a lighter note, here is a picture of my family circa 2000…my dad still had hair!

* I know that for some reason I am not smiling...but I assure you...I was happy :)

Quote of the Day

Please tell me that I am not the only emotional basket-case. What crazy thing do you find yourself tearing up at? Come on, you can tell me! Secrets are best shared among friends :)