Sometimes you think you're safe....

.....When you are at JoAnn's at 9 in the morning.

You're looking at skirt patterns so you can hurry and buy your materials and book it to your classes.

A man with three little kids walks by you and you smile absentmindedly at the adorable kiddos.

Soon though, things take a creeptastic turn.

The man with the kiddos turns back around and asks "what are you doing?".

"Oh, I'm looking for a skirt pattern for my sewing class", you respond.

"Ohhhhh a High School class, or College class?", Mr. Mom asks.

"Oh, I'm in College", you respond.

The conversation dwindles and you are glad to be over with it. 

You have no time to stop and chat.

You feel uneasy though as you realize the man is still standing there. 

Just staring at you.

Watching you look at patterns and flip through books.

Soon, your roommate comes and rescues you. 

Or does she?

Taken aback by the new company, the man finally leaves to chase after his little boys and you breathe a sigh of relief.

Until he is back and standing even closer to you!

"You look kind of confused. Do you need help?", he asks.

"Oh, no thanks. I think I'm fine", you nervously reply.

"Is this your roommate?", he persists.

"Yes". Simple and to the point right?

Wrong.

He keeps tallllking and creeping.

He once again leaves to chase after his kids that are wreaking havoc on the store.

He returns. AGAIN.

Pretty soon, I am ready to just tell him to get lost.

Seriously, why does he keep returning to talk to me?!

Finally, his wife appears and he disappears.

I was left mystified at this predicament.

Why are people so weird? And creepy?

Word to the wise: You are never safe! Do not mistake the cozy atmosphere of JoAnn's for a safe haven from creepers.

Also, never think that just because a man has super cute kids, that he is not a SC (secret creeper).

They are everywhere. 

Quote of the Day

Sometimes you've just gotta be nice to creepers though.....haven't you ever seen horror movies? The girls that were mean to the nerdy boys always get wacked first.

My day was craptastic thank you, how about yours?

Craptastic= A state of something being marked by major disasters, breakdowns, and just plain crap.

Have you ever had a day that makes you want to just sit down and cry?

Or, if you're too mad to cry, a day that makes you want to curl up into a little ball in your baggiest sweatpants...preferably with chocolate?

If not, let me show you what such a day looks like:

You know that you're headed towards a craptastic day when your days merge together. 

You look at the clock and realize that it is 2 am. You are already on Wednesday's time, and it is already going by way too fast.

You're attempting to complete one of the worst assignments you have ever been given.

Because you do not curse, you start making up other polite, mature names to call your professor like "jerk-face", "devil", and my personal favorite "fetcher".

You then realize as you say the last one out loud.....you are probably in need of some serious repentance since you are still in essence cursing....only with less gross sounding words.

First disaster.

After being emotionally and physically drained....and now having your spiritual well-being in jeopardy, you decide that it is time to go to bed.

You vow to wake-up early to finish your hw before class.

So, your alarm goes of at 7, reminding you of your promise.

Pretty soon, it is time for your 10:00 Stats lecture, but your assignment that is due at 11:00, is still incomplete.

So, you do the only thing your frazzled little mind can think of.

The Stats lecture is skipped as you continue to work on your fetching project.

Sorry, that was out of line.

Second disaster.

Pretty soon it is time to go hand the assignment in.

You rush to your closet. 

Grab a shirt.

Throw your hair back in a messy braid and vow not to look in the mirror because your reflection, and by yours, I really mean my reflection, is truly frightening.

So, you walk around campus the whole dang day, feeling and looking like a hot mess.

To top it all off, usually during a craptastic day, you have been sick with the worst cold all week, so you are mentally fuzzy and physical yucky.

I'm talking coughing, snot, and puffy eyes.

Not pretty.

The day progresses.

The coughing continues the snot keeps coming (tmi?), and finally sneezing is added to the mix.

Eventually, you are no longer the annoying coughing girl in every class and your nose ceases to function as a faucet.  

You are in the clear....or are you?

You think to yourself "you know what, you only have one more class....I think you're safe, Nothing else will go wrong".

Third disaster.

Note to all: Never challenge the universe. You will be sorry.

Finally, you're sitting in your last class which happens to be a sewing class.

Your teacher is talking to the class about the upcoming project you will be working on.

She mentions that you should not buy plaid for your fabric because it is too hard to deal with for your beginning class.

Crap. Crappity crap.

What kind of fabric did you buy the day before?

Oh yeah, plaid fabric.

Of course, you know you cannot return said fabric because you have already gotten it prepped for class.

You silently scream as you realize your project will now be more time-confusing, stressful, and marked by disaster than it already was.

Luckily though, you were not the pathetic person in this story. I was.

In short, today has been a train wreck of a day, but I am still standing.

[Universe: That was not a challenge, merely a statement.]

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Jeeze....I guess I will try again tomorrow.

Please tell me your day was better than mine?

"Is that what you had said?"

Yep, this post is so awkward, it necessitated a Bon Qui Qui reference.

For those of you that have not seen Bon Qui Qui...watch and learn.

Let me set the scene for you.

I am Mormon and I go to a little school in good ole' Provo, Utah called BYU, or Brigham Young University.

It was once home to a super gorgeous, talented, b-ball playing boy with mad swag named Jimmer Fredette....but don't even get me started on him. 

So, I'm sitting in my religion class and we have just had a prayer and sang a song.

A boy in the front of the room raises his hand and says...I quote... 


"So I feel really bad asking this question now since we have already had question time, prayed, and sang a hymn....but is it okay if I go to the bathroom to pick my wedgie?". 


...................................................

Umm....say what?

Crickets chirped ,awkward glances were exchanged, and our teacher somewhat bewilderingly granted permission for the guy to leave the room.

The rest of the class was silent and the "is that what you had said?" wheels started turning. 

Surely we had heard him wrong. Surely there was not someone that strange/socially awkward in this world that would ask such a question.

But no folks, it really happened..and it was one of the weirdest moments I have ever experienced in a class.


"Sacurity.....saa-curity. This dude needs ta go....needs ta go".

So next time you feel the urge to censor yourself....please do it and spare me, yourself, and your peers some awkwardness....mmmkay?


Sometimes it is best to keep some things to yourself.


 Wedgies most definitely included.




Quote of the Day

Yep, I have that run down pat!

What is the most awkward thing that has ever happened to, or around you in a class?

A day in the life of a nanny

Today, I got up at the crack of dawn….seriously people, I’m talking 5:45 am!

Now, let me just let you in on a little Ashley 101. I am a morning person…however, I do not like waking up early. Did that make sense? No? Let me explain. 

I am the type of person that can sleep in until 2 in the afternoon and not bat an eye….but once I’m up, I’m up! I go about my business and it does not take me long to get out of my sleep coma. Ok...back to the story...

I had to be at work by 7:30, but I had to make sure I left the house by 6:30 to allow for traffic. Needless to say…I looked like a mess today and the critics were harsh.

Exhibit A

 

Little miss Isa (short for Isabella) scoffed at my appearance and lack of make-up.

*Pardon the sunburst that is coming out of my stomach…I’m guessing that holding the baby that way caused my shirt to do some wacky things. I assure you that I do not have some weird tumor growing out of my tummy :p

I pulled out my best tricks to get her to like me again and to help her remember that I am the same Ashley she loved before…not a hobo.

We renewed our friendship, all was well in the world.

UNTIL

She devised a plan to provide herself with a little entertainment. At first, I was a little surprised and concerned.

Then I was a little horrified

And the showstopper…..disgust! As you can see from the part of her face that is NOT covered in puke, she was very proud of herself.

Little did Miss Isa know, I was about to get my revenge in the form of an outfit change. You see, this little girl does not like having her head covered, even for a second. I pulled the yucky onesie off,  put the clean one one, and braced myself for an angry baby.

She thought about it for a second….and then decided it wasn’t worth a fight.

She called a truce and pulled at my heart with her gummy smile.

And informed me that it was time for bed.

 

We hugged.

And off to bed she went….preparing herself for another puke-filled day tomorrow :)

Quote of the Day

What did you do today? I hope that whatever it was…..it was less messy, but hopefully just as cute :)

“I thought ya’ll was gay!”

Can you tell by the title that this is going to be an awkward story? Well just in case you couldn’t, it is, so be prepared.

After seeing a movie with my friend Holly, we decided to go to Rita’s (an amazing Italian ice/ custard place found along the East Coast) for a cool refreshment. After arriving there, we looked at the “Flavor Board” to see what options we had. I saw that Rita’s had a new flavor of Italian ice called juicy pear. They had me at the word juicy. I was intrigued, as was Holly, so we asked if we could sample it. The nice lady behind the counter (for this story, we will call her Mrs. Blunt or Mrs. B) was super friendly and chatty with us as she prepared our samples.

Mrs. Blunt handed me a pretty decent sized sample cup and a little spoon. She then handed Holly a little spoon. Holly and I looked at each other a little and were a little confused. We assumed that we would each get a sample to try. But, not wanting to be annoying and being the good friends that we are, we just shrugged and started tasting the ice. Mrs. Blunt watched us anxiously awaiting to see what our response would be. We told her that we loved it. Holly got a blended drink, and I got a Gelati ( custard on the bottom, flavored ice in the middle, more custard on top. YUM!)

Once we received our treats, it was time to pay. We both took out our wallets and waited to hear what our totals would be. I walked up to the counter and Mrs. B said, “Ok, that will be $13.25” or something like that….I looked at her kind of confused at why the amount was so much. She mentioned that she thought that we were together. I explained to her that we were paying separately. I paid for my ice-cream and went and sat on a bench while I waited for Holly to pay….but the wheels in my head started turning. 

When Holly sat down next to me, she was laughing hysterically. I turned to her and told her that I was pretty sure that Mrs. Blunt. thought we were a couple. Holly matter-a-factly responded that Mrs. B did think that.

Apparantly, Mrs. B flat-out told her. Holly explained that when I walked away, Mrs. Blunt exclaimed “Oh!. I thought ya’ll was gay!”
HAHA! When I pieced the events together, I can kinda see how she drew that conclusion. I guess sharing the sample cup looked a little sketch. In our defense, we did not think that she was going to give us another one and it's not like we were feeding each other or something! We just thought that she intended for us to share.

How Holly did not burst out laughing at the counter, I'll never know. I all but peed my pants when Holly told me the story! I also found it hilarious that Mrs. B just outright said that! But now you can see how she got her presh nickname. What if we were a couple?...which obviously we would never be since I prefer muscles, a deep voice, and oh...a MAN...but regardless, some people just need to learn how to bite their tongues sometimes……haha and yes, this is coming from the girl that could use some thought before her speaking as well…but oh well, that is a story for another day :)

Moral of the story: Do not share food with a member of the same sex, or you will set off people’s gaydar….or maybe do it, then at least you have a funny story to look back on whenever you need a pick-me-up :)

Quote of the Day

*This quote is sponsored by Mrs. Blunt, aka, Mrs. B*

Just call me Scarlett O’Hara…….

….because I recently discovered that I am just as prone to fainting spells as she and all of the other Southern Belles were.

One fateful day….aka Friday afternoon, my bestest friend Holly and I decided to get dolled up for a fun summer photoshoot. I took extra time doing my make-up and even went to the effort of picking out a pretty summery dress for the occasion.

We went to a local garden and being the doe-eyed girls that we are, paid little attention to the sweltering temperature outside. We frolicked happily in the grass….really, we did…and took turns posing for the camera. Pretty soon massive amounts of sweat were dripping from every pore. It was not a pretty sight. We did not want to just turn around and go home…so we tried to make do with feeling like sweaty football players.

Half-way into our adventures….I started to feel a familiar feeling…the feeling of getting ready to pass out.

Exhibit A

I first experienced this lovely condition on vacation one year at Disney World. I was standing in line waiting to get on “The Tower of Terror” (my fave ride!) when all of a sudden, my vision started getting spotty. I kept trying to tell my dad that something wasn’t right..but the words would not come out. Finally, he got the message when I fell backward onto a man behind me! We made our way to an air-conditioned shop where Disney workers provided my dad with a WHEELCHAIR to wheel me out of the park in. I was soooo mortified…but a part of me didn’t even care. I was just happy to be getting out of the heat.

So…you can see why my heart filled with dread when I started to once again experience having the world spin around me. Holly was still taking pictures and I called out to her and informed her that I felt like I was about to faint. She I guess did not realize how serious I was, because she just continued taking pictures! I tried standing up. Bad idea. My legs buckled and I could feel myself drifting away. A million years  minutes later, Holly turned and realized that it was time to go. I did not even think that I was going to make it out on my own…I really felt that at any minute, I would collapse. Holly being the true friend that she is found a bottle of water and told me to drink. She then grabbed my purse, shoes, and other belongings and led me out of the park. I have never been soooo relieved to have air-conditioning or water in my life!

So, I guess the moral of the story is….do not attempt to be vain in 105 degree weather…but if you’re gonna do it, make sure you pick a friend that will be willing to do whatever it takes to save your life :)

Oh….and where is my Rhett Butler?

Quote of the Day

I would love to hear about your summer adventures. What is something that you love most about summer?

Do the creep

Ok, I’m about to tell you all what a freak I am. I love people-watching, like many of you probably do. You can really tell a lot about a person based on their habits and the way they carry themselves. While people watching is perfectly normal, I feel like I am sometimes guilty of taking it to a creepy extreme.

I wasn’t really made aware of my creepin’ skills until a boy that I had a crush on in Middle School asked me why I always stared at him. SO EMBARRASSING. I awkwardly made-up and excuse, but it got me thinking…..am I really that obvious? I thought that I was being clever with the stolen glances….apparently not.


That is why I love this SNL clip that a friend sent me….Just a warning..there are a few moments of bad language. Ok, now that I am done being mother hen....enjoy :)

So, maybe I should learn “the creep”…I’m sure it will make me a LOT less creepy :)

Quote of the Day

HAHA!

Ok, I shared my creeptastic moment. What is something awkward/creepy that you are guilty of doing? Come on….don’t be shy! We can all do the creep together :)

The time I cried as the toilet overflowed….

 Once upon a time, I woke-up realizing that I had to pee. I had to be at work in a couple of hours and as much as I tried to roll over and ignore having to go, I couldn’t. (Am I the only one that does this? I just don’t like leaving my nice warm bed).

So, I drag myself outta bed and go about my business. Upon getting ready to flush the toilet, I notice that something is very wrong. The water keeps rising…and rising..and I realize the toilet is going to overflow. I rush to turn the little knobby thing that stops the water, but it is too late. Water comes gushing over the side of the toilet onto the floor. It also drenches anything that happens to be on said floor, namely the rugs, the bottom of my freaking pants, and my feet! I scream out of frustration and disgust, then remember that it is 4 am and my roommates would probably like to sleep. Then I remember that the clogged toilet was probably caused by one of my roommates…and I no longer care if I wake anyone up. I know, not one of my finest moments, but what can I say, it was a tense time (Ellie or Alexa, if you are reading this, I apologize if I woke you up…I am thinking rationally now).

So in order to prevent myself from:

a) ripping my hair out

or

b) yelling obscenities (jk..I promise!) ……..

…I decide to cry instead…because tears are the logical solution to my problem. Once I am done feeling sorry for myself over the fact that I am covered in toilet water and that I am not going to get to go back to sleep, I devise a strategy. I decide to first deal with my pants. I figure that there is not point in changing them until I deal with the mess, so I just roll them up and tell myself that the water should be clean. Then I go into the laundry room, grab some buckets, a mop, and floor cleaner… and go back to the torture chamber.

I gather up the sopping rugs and place them in a bucket. I start mopping up the floor, and once the water is gone, I start to work on unclogging the toilet. At this point, my roommate Shyler woke up and came into the bathroom. She heard me plunging and thought that I was throwing up, so she being the sweetie that she is, came to check on me. The moment we look at each other, we both die laughing. I’m talking big, belly laughs. The kind of laughs that make your whole body shake. She rolls up her pants and starts to help me. The next 45 minutes, or so, were spent spent laughing, crying, and doing some serious disinfecting.

(WARNING. It is about to get sappy here. If you cannot handle cheesiness, it is probably time to leave)

This will forever be one of my best college memories. I won’t remember the anger I felt at the mess. Instead, I will remember laughing until my stomach hurt and the feeling of a burden being made light through the help of a good friend. All of my friends are so important to me because they make not only the fun times memorable, but the bad times as well. They help me find the silver lining when all I can see are the clouds. So to all of my friends, thanks for putting up with my shenanigans, “you da, you da best!”.

Some of my besties :)

                                            Holl-doll :)

    I worry about this girl sometimes  all the time, but she is one of        my oldest friends

                   

                                              Me and Shy :)

Love this girl! Check out her blog. It is great!

                  There is NEVER a dull moment with Kirsi!

I am soooo blessed to have so many great friends!

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